so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
