I looked at my own cervix.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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