Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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