he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
