The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
