dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize