Cold hands, warm shart.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
