i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
