how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
be right there i have to get my cape
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
