did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
