I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
