Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
