I CAN MOONWALK!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
