1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
