If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
