we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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