Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
