Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
