Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
