TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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