Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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