would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
