yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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