Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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