her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
