You made me cry and you don't even care
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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