Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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