Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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