Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
