If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
