i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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