Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
