shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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