Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
