I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
