He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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