i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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