i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
