The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
