FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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