its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
