i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
