There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
