I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
