I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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