Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
