I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
