i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
