Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
