Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
