Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
