My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
