Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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