I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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