they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
