Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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