He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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