Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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