You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
