his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
