Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize