Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
